Irritable Magic

So those are two words that simply don't seem to go well together....Irritable Magic....Kind of like President Trump.... something about it FEELS off, contradictory, like it's a joke.  Well, I can't speak on the latter pair of words but I can speak on Irritable Magic.  

I started a journey with a Holistic Wellness Practitioner about 3.5 weeks ago.  After my first visit I was sent home with the following prescription: a shit-ton of supplements for my poor aching body, a strict elimination diet for 3-4 weeks and to take two epsom salt baths weekly. Along with 3 take home tests and one in office test to be sent off to labs around the country to dissect every part of my make up as a human being.  

So I'm not going to lie - the first week of the dietary changes, the addition of supplements and LOTS of, errrr, interesting testing - it was rough. I was horribly irritable.  As in any human being that was around me I definitely thought about kicking in the throat.  

This mood was only made worse by a non-stop headache that varied from bad to near excrutiating, all day, for the first 6 days on the diet.  This was paired with all week grey skies and rain - I was NOT a happy person.  

Day 1 went something like this:  

Side note: I'm not proud of my irrational thinking here, but it was real and it was honest.  

So even with all that, there was something that stuck out....

....it was the first full week that I didn't have one stomach issue.  That I didn't have to use a heating pad, that my aches were manageable and not a main focus of my day or night (excluding day 1).  It was the first week of my life that I can remember not being nauseated, cramping, feeling totally drained and anxious about what my stomach was going to do and how I was going to feel.  

After sleeping 12 hours at the end of the first week on the diet I was a BRAND spankin' new person.  The irritable bitch was gone, replaced by pure magic and admiration that my body could adjust and change like it did and also wonderment, I mean, HOW could I feel THIS good??? I was waiting on edge for the ball to drop..... but instead it got better....

I seem a bit more calm and together there huh??? 

It's weird for me to be this open and honest with the world wide web on personal stuff but in my quest for saying YES to the shit that scares me I actually feel OK with it all. 

Anyway. It hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns since week 2 of this diet. I have had a horrible mix up in my hormones causing a 3 week long period and have had days of hating my kitchen, cooking, food, my body, other people and the like.  All of this is outnumbered of course by the fact that I am already feeling better.  

My anxiety has dipped way down.  I was beginning to get close to panic attacks again and for the first time since beginning medication for my anxiety (over 4 years ago) have I thought it might be possible to go off of it someday.  

I've trimmed up a little bit - I'm guessing because my body is actually absorbing nutrients and letting go of waste (i.e. pooping) rather than holding onto it.  Also you know, none of the bad stuff. No sugar, no gluten (duh), no alcohol, no caffeine, no soy, no red meat, no pork, no processed meats, no lots of stuff - but still LOTS of food.  Ask my roommate who now gets possession of approximately 1/8 of our shared refrigerator.  

It has all in all been a mix of irritable magic. I never knew magic could be mixed with such chaos and struggle, but boy, I always need a lesson in learning what I don't know.  Magic exists even in irritability.

So even though as I type today, my hands and wrists ache while my knees hurt so badly I can't sit properly, I am feeling hopeful.  I got to teach yoga today. I got to sit in a beautiful salt room breathing in the air and meditate.  I got to jump in a -144 degree all natural cryo chamber to ease inflammation and pain.  I wasn't miserable today.  I had been most days prior to the start of this.  Now when I have a bad day, I think - wow, how did I LIVE like THIS everyday for SO long??? (Please imagine my ultra dramatic voice and hand gestures with that last sentence)

Something is already working. I'm working and will keep working. 

This body is worth it.  This life is worth it.  On Friday I get test results back and a new plan to forge ahead with in order to continue to heal my body.  The natural way.  I'm excited.  I'm nervous.  I'm ready to Chuck Norris style kick this auto-immune stuff back into remission.  I'm a stubborn fool if you've ever known one and I will win this fight.