This post originally appeared on Medium - you can view that post in it's entirety here.
In places I have to describe myself I always joyfully exclaim that I love to try new things. Which is true, but sometimes how life goes you forget to try said new things. But today, I backed up that self descriptive claim by getting a yoni steam.
What’s a yoni you ask? It’s a hindu term referring to a woman’s womb, reproductive parts or you know, a vagina. Really, it’s a beautiful word representing the divine procreative energy that resides in a woman and the home in which that energy resides. To be super clear here, we are talking about a vagina — specifically we are going to be talking about mine.
Steaming of the yoni is an ancient practice that has been done for hundreds of years to help regulate menstrual cycles, ease cramps, induce healing after birth or trauma, promote healthy pH levels, combat dryness, etc.
But I still didn’t get how, or why really, but I was definitely game to give it a go.
I mean, I am pretty happy with what I have going on down there. I’m very aware of my pelvic floor and work those muscles. I take pride when I see my lady doctor and she proclaims “Looks great down there!”. I have good, regular hygiene practices. I keep my yoni tidy and fit.
I was unsure of what the purpose of this yoni steam was for me but since I work where this service is offered I figured I should give it a whirl — let’s try something new!
So I wander into the back and put on my super cozy robe — backwards as instructed — tying it tight to ensure my “assets” wouldn’t accidentally show off down the hallway. I made my way to the gorgeous and peaceful meditation room at The Laya Center where my yoni steam chair is all set up, with the steamer radiating a soft purring sound.
The chair is a simple hardwood chair with a hole in the middle of it with a steamer underneath the chair filled with water and an array of wonderful smelling herbs.
I took my place on the chair and began to read my book. It’s not the most comfortable chair as you sit with your yoni placed over the hole, but it’s not bad. This isn’t about my booty comfort it was about my yoni experience.
At first I didn’t feel anything, I don’t get it — clearly I’m doing it wrong, or somehow I broke this machine without even touching it. In this situation, either of those statement are strong probabilities.
“So I sit and I’m wondering…should I let someone know? Did they forget to turn it on? Is this it????”
Right when I was about to wander to ask for help the steamer starts kicking on and I’m feeling some heat. It actually feels nice. I don’t fully understand why it feels so nice, but I was pleasantly surprised thinking — ok yoni, let’s steam this thing. The more steam produced, the more the room filled with the smell of the herbs which was super yummy and relaxing by itself. I was falling into a bit of a meditative state in this beautiful room with warm, steamy air laced with beautiful herbs rising directly up into my hooha. I am full on digging this experience.
At this point I am feeling quite good and my yoni is feeling GREAT, I’m practically falling asleep in this fabulous mist. But wait….ok, the steam seems to be getting somewhat aggressive. It’s getting quite hot and really coming at me with some force. I’m tough, it’s fine….I can handle it. Surely they don’t want to singe my yoni.
Ok, insert yoga breathing here… it’ll pass, it’ll be fine…I’m good…I’m fine…this is good…I’m not good…holy shit….This can’t be right. I had never felt steam SO HOT in my life, my yoni MUST be losing layers of skin from the burns, this steam is coming out hot and hard, like it could power a freaking locomotive. Something must be wrong, I broke it again….I lifted my robe and stand on my toes as steam blasted out all around me.
AHHHHHHHHHH….ok….some sweet relief from the direct blow to my baby maker and wow does THAT SMELL GOOD.
I’m taking in the smell as it starts to permeate the whole room but my ankle is shaking. I can’t stay on my toes forever. I’m getting a cramp and at this point after the brief relief, I’m actually missing the steam straight on my vajayjay. I know I thought I was dying and would never be able to bare children a second ago but now I want more of this smoldering vapor.
Right when I thought there was permanent damage being done to my lady bits it quits. The steam force began to slow a little at first, then all at once. The smell of herbs lingered in the air, it’s nice and warm and as I sat back down I thought — oh my, I want more of this herbal magic.
The steam returned a bit later and didn’t seem as harsh (maybe I was simply surprised the first time), and continued in that cycle for about 25 minutes. I found myself craving the heat to come back and continue to cleanse my kitty each time it faded away.
Afterwards I cleaned up and walked down the hall with a little pep in my step, feeling a little…. extra. Extra fresh. Extra clean. Like me and my freshly steamed yoni could go conquer anything we set our minds to. I felt like I should consult with my yoni on what our next steps should be with this newfound feeling of power and pep.
Should we start a new business? Build a house? Run for political office? Whatever it is….we would rock it together…..my yoni and I… That much I knew!
Will I be steaming my yoni again? Hell yes! I can’t say it is in direct correlation with how the rest of my day went but my bajingo felt beautiful and the rest of my day kicked ass. Coincidence? Maybe, but I’m not one to second guess the power of the divine feminine.
Why risk it?
Step 1 — Steam Yoni
Step 2 — World Domination
It’s that simple.